Lecherous Guy

Guyography

MOTTO: "My pants are ill-fitting and that's why I don't wear them."

TURN ONS: re-runs of Baywatch, dark alleyways

TURN OFFS: mini-vans, cinnamon rolls

IF I COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, I WOULD BE...
a humpback whale

This strange, disturbing, yet still delightful little fellow fell into our laps, quite literally. We were on a commuter shuttle, flying back from senate hearings (at which we were testifying), and this very unusual man was sitting in the middle seat. When we suddenly felt his hands in our pockets, well, we assumed he was trying to rob us. We later discovered that it's just his way. Although freakish in appearance and, admittedly, in behavior, he nevertheless has a gentle soul, so we decided to welcome him into our fold, so to speak, with open arms. It is worth noting that after we did so, the weird phone calls ceased.